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Richard Reeve

2 Years Ago

Make Me Laugh

Seems like we haven't had any joke related discussions for a while.

I saw the post by Ronald Walker titled "Past, Present, Future" and it reminded me of the following simple joke:

- The past, present and future walked into a bar
- It was tense



Please feel free to add more groaners!

[Photo by Dan Cook on Unsplash]

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Maria Faria Rodrigues

2 Years Ago

Cosmo (sung by Donald O'Connor):

Though the world is so full of a number things,
I know we should all be as happy as
But are we?
No, definitely no, positively no.
Decidedly no. Mm mm.
Short people have long faces and
Long people have short faces.
Big people have little humor
And little people have no humor at all!
And in the words of that immortal buddy
Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be lead
To the guillotine:
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
(Ha ha!)
My dad said "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines"
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat
Just slip on a banana peel
The world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em...
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh
My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke
But give it plenty of hoke
Make 'em roar
Make 'em scream
Take a fall
Run a wall
Split a seam
You start off by pretending
You're a dancer with grace
You wiggle till they're
Giggling all over the place
And then you get a great big custard pie in the face
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know... all the... wants...
My dad...
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!

"Make 'Em Laugh" ~ Singin' in the Rain (1952)
https://youtu.be/SND3v0i9uhE

 

Bill Tomsa

2 Years Ago


Actually a quote from baseball great, Yogi Berra, I believe, :

“When you come to a fork in the road….take it.”

 

David Dehner

2 Years Ago

Rodney Dangerfield – I get no respect:

I was 8 years old – on my first airline flight with my parents.

We were traveling over the ocean.

My mother put my hat on and said “Go outside and play”

 

Ed Meredith

2 Years Ago

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?
It's making headlines.

 

Becky Titus

2 Years Ago

What's the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

 

Jason Fink

2 Years Ago

Ripping this off from an Instagram Reel.

My wife asked me, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I told her, "No, I never knew he could."

 

Jim Whalen

2 Years Ago

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

 

Pamela Cooper

2 Years Ago

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens...

 

Milija Jakic

2 Years Ago

I bought art on fine art america :)

 

Ken Krug

2 Years Ago

Bread to the dough;

Don’t mind the baker. He’s just trying to get a rise out of you.

 

Becky Titus

2 Years Ago

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope

 

Jim Whalen

2 Years Ago

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.

ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

 

David Manlove

2 Years Ago

Dog owner: "The neighbors tell me you've been chasing people on bicycles!"

Dog: "They're lying, I don't even have a bicycle!"

 

Bill Swartwout

2 Years Ago

Maybe an image can make you laugh - as this horse was laughing at me for taking his picture. :)

assateague-pony-raspberries-bill-swartwout.jpg

 

Pamela Cooper

2 Years Ago

Spelling is hard... a couple of letters get messed up and your whole sentence is urined....

 

Ed Meredith

2 Years Ago

I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.

 

Angela Whitehouse

2 Years Ago

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day , but I couldn't find any.

 

Tony Murray

2 Years Ago

I got a booster shot recently because the doctor told me my laugh was contagious.

 

Maria Faria Rodrigues

2 Years Ago

Hee Haw!

 

Susan Maxwell Schmidt

2 Years Ago

Why do doctors whack newborns on the bottom?

To knock the weenies off the smart ones! 0:)

 

Richard Reeve

2 Years Ago

Firstly, thank you all for making me smile this evening!

I must admit I do also like the occasional geek joke. Such as...

- There are 10 types of people in this world,
- Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

 

Ken Krug

2 Years Ago

That joke’s a “10”!

 

Sandi OReilly

2 Years Ago

Why don't they play poker in the jungle??

There are too many cheetahs.

 

Jim Taylor

2 Years Ago

Richard, please brush your horses teeth.
I have a toilet brush I can loan you.

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Ed Meredith

2 Years Ago

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

 

Becky Titus

15 Days Ago

I just saw an ad for a wireless bra.

I never even knew they needed to be plugged in.

 

David Manlove

14 Days Ago

Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.

I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.

 

Hot Chill

13 Days Ago

tickle tickle

 

Becky Titus

12 Days Ago

A photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags.

The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

 

Ken Krug

12 Days Ago

I have a pet squash.

I named it Gourdon.

 

Becky Titus

11 Days Ago

Does anyone know if I can buy an entire chess set at the pawn shop?

 

Becky Titus

10 Days Ago

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not an actor.

 

Ken Krug

9 Days Ago

It would be nice to have a lakeside cottage.

I often ponder about that.

 

Becky Titus

8 Days Ago

I just remembered why I walked into the kitchen yesterday.

 

Ken Krug

8 Days Ago

I decided to try something different for breakfast.

So I stood on one leg while eating my cereal.

 

Becky Titus

7 Days Ago

Replace all the vowels in an animal name with O.

I'll go first: Ollogotor.

 

Ken Krug

7 Days Ago

Reporter;
So what happened, exactly?

Witness;
He was just sitting there. I turned away for just a second, and when I looked back, Dumpty had fallen.

 

Becky Titus

6 Days Ago

Every time I go to the liquor store, a guy comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He's my spirit guide.

 

Becky Titus

5 Days Ago

Did you hear that the Australian clothing store hired a marsupial?

He’s in charge of Koala tee assurance.

 

Ken Krug

5 Days Ago

How do owls laugh?

HooHoo

When they cry they just change the first “h” to a “b”.

Because they are wise.

Sometimes they’ll use a hyphen, if they feel like it.

 

Ken Krug

5 Days Ago

The taxi driver had a great week.

He made a lot of cabbage.

 

Becky Titus

4 Days Ago

I just flew back from a Transformers convention.

And boy are my arms tires.

 

Ken Krug

4 Days Ago

An out of work actor walks into a bar.

Bartender says, you look like an out of work actor.

..How could you possibly know that?! Thats just not possible!!! Are you kidding me?!

Bartender:
It says right there.. an out of work actor walks into a bar…I’m just a bartender and I can follow that.

Also, you’re overacting. I can see why you’re out of work.

 

Becky Titus

3 Days Ago

I don't always go the extra mile.

But when I do, it's because I missed my exit.

 

Ken Krug

3 Days Ago

Waitress:
Sir, did you know your tie has been in your soup for the last twenty minutes?

Diner:
Yes, thank you, it’s okay. I’m done eating.

 

Becky Titus

2 Days Ago

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

 

Robert Tubesing

2 Days Ago

We were visiting friends that lived out in the country, and had no toilet facilities in their house. My little brother needed to use the facilities, so I showed him the little building out back. When he returned, I asked him if he remembered to flush.

 

Becky Titus

1 Day Ago

Why is no one ever just the right amount of whelmed?

 

Ken Krug

1 Day Ago

A martini went into a bar.

It was never seen again.

 

Ken Krug

1 Day Ago

Martini mom;
You can go out and play, but don’t go near any bars.

Remember what happened to your uncle.

 

Becky Titus

13 Hours Ago

I was going to plug my keyboard into the headphone socket of my laptop, but was worried I might end up stereotyping.

 

Ken Krug

6 Hours Ago

A mouse goes for a dental checkup complaining of having trouble chewing.

The dentist says, “You need rodentures.

 

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